im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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