Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
