My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
