he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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