I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
