is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
