I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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