I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
