I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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