Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize