Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
