Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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