Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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