The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
