I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
