Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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