i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
