So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
