I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize