I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
