Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
