Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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