She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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