Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
