Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
