what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
