There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
