Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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