I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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