im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
