He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
