I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
