Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
