he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
