so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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