Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
someone owes me an orgasm
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
