I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
