but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
