Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
