it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
