He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
