My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're like the curious george of whores
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
