3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
