It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
