So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
