if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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