he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
