Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
