thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
