Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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