I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
