Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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