In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
