He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
