just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
