K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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