I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize