I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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