Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
