Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
