I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
