My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
