So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.