He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life