It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.