very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.