I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.