Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.