And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
