Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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