Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
