i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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