i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
