Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
