Cold hands, warm shart.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
