fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
