He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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