Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
