Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
