Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
