Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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